Love or keeping it I find is the hardest part of life. Loving is easy if you let yourself but timing, human error, insecurities and trust is hard to over come. Love is a scary concept at the centre of life and we constantly find ourselves either running away or towards it.
I personally always find myself wallowing in self pity like a princess waiting in her tower to be saved. But then when a prince does come to save me he’s either not the prince I want, the asshole Prince Charming (usually a frog in disguise) or the perfect guy that I’ve been waiting for but I don’t realise till it’s too late. And so time after time one way or another I end up that girl crying in the tower again. But half the time actually the situations that upset us our from our own doing. Like the butterfly effect we wonder how we got here and all the ‘what if’s’, how we could have prevented all the heart ache. There is so much wasted time contemplating these questions driving ourselves insane while the other person is probably not even thinking about us at all?
That’s where I have learnt sometimes you need to look at the bigger picture and stop being so self absorbed about what you want and why don’t they love you anymore or fancy you back and actually put yourself in their shoes as to why you aren’t getting the response you want. For example I have wasted so much time over boys asking and crying to myself these same questions… am I not good enough? Am I ugly? Am I boring?… When I have finally realised (or until the next boy makes me crazy) that sometimes it’s not you it’s them that might not have the right frame of mind, you might just not be their type, or maybe they are just an asshole.
I’m not saying it’s never our fault I myself have pined over my ex for half a year missing him and wondering why he wont love me again and it has taken me that long (and with some help from his lies) to realise that actually it’s my fault and I can’t expect him to love me after what I said… but because I was so self centred I never thought to see it from his situation and pain I just expected him to still love me cause thats what I wanted. Sometimes no matter how hard you try situations are too broken to fix and once we realise that we can finally move on.
I believe in old fashioned love where if something is broken you fix it instead of moving on, but if the other person doesn’t have the same beliefs or isn’t willing to try there is nothing you can do and maybe actually it’s a sign they aren’t right for you.
But really stop beating yourself up about why and just get the fuck over it. Because one thing I have learnt is there is nothing worse than wasted time. Get out that tower like the girl from tangled, smile and see the world and maybe you will stumble upon the right guy that will think after every fuck up or insecurity you are still worth fighting for.